You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
