i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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