Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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