I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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