Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize