You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
