i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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