This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize