I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
