Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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