Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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