Please, let me fuck your mom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
