I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
