just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
