We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
