its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
