I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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