i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize