if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
