thus making me awesome and them whores
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
