Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
