and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
