That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
