Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
one two three fourrrrnication!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize