I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
