I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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