im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
