he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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