So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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