whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
