You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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