So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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