After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
