They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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