..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
3 2 1 whiskey
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
