Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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