highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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