I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
