does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
