I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
