GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
