Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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