Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
