why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
