people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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