I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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