rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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