I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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