Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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