You're my little dorito
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
