I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
