I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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