...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
