Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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