How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
