I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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