i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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