I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have demons in me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
