Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
