she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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