i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
