I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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