You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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