mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
