I think my vagina is haunted
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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