Can i not drive my cunt home
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
