I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
