im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Panties = found
Randomize
