a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
