it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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