Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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