they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
