shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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