But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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