i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
