I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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