Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
