I cannot find my penis.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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