So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
