I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
