dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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