yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
